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If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, Gionta suggested asking yourself: What’s changed?Consider “What I am doing or [what is] the other person doing? How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries.She's a mom of four, from middle school to young adult, and lives with her family on a farm in Indiana.She writes about life, faith, and parenting beyond the storybook image at Life Beyond the Picket Fence at Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and, really, a healthy life. Unfortunately, it’s a skill that many of us don’t learn, according to psychologist and coach Dana Gionta, Ph. We might pick up pointers here and there from experience or through watching others.But for many of us, boundary-building is a relatively new concept and a challenging one.
These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”8. If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”Consider seeking support through resources, too.
She suggested thinking of these feelings on a continuum from one to 10. If you’re at the higher end of this continuum, during an interaction or in a situation, Gionta suggested asking yourself, what is causing that?
What is it about this interaction, or the person’s expectation that is bothering me?
They’ll “approach each other similarly.”With others, such as those who have a different personality or cultural background, you’ll need to be more direct about your boundaries.
Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said.
Resentment usually “comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.” It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty (and want to be a good daughter or wife, for instance), or someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values on us, she said.“When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue to us they may be violating or crossing a boundary,” Gionta said.3. With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue.