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As Leong, the author and UCLA professor put it: “Asian men can kick butt, but they can’t have a kiss.” It gets a little more personal in blogs, such as posts titled Us Bitter, Bitter Asian Men or Sucks to be an Asian male. I’ve had Chinese guys refuse me because they felt, as a traditional man, they could never see themselves married to a foreign girl.However, the subtext is often that foreign women are a dangerous choice — too casual, the temptress, etc — or could not accept a Chinese way of life.There are hardly enough books depicting foreign women with Chinese boyfriends or husbands. When you have a Chinese husband or boyfriend, sometimes you feel as if you belong to a lonely club. One of my dearest e-mail friends, a woman from Germany, once found me on the net because she had a — then — Chinese boyfriend and yearned to find someone to share her experience with.Off the top of my head, I can think of Rachel De Woskin’s Foreign Babes in Beijing: Behind the Scenes of a New China and Repeat After Me: A Novel, Nicole Mones’ Lost in Translation, and Pearl S. So I began to wonder — why are there so few Chinese guys and foreign girls becoming couples?
Even my own husband was first told by his parents that he could be friends with a foreign girl, but not date her.Still, despite the odds, sterotypes and other barriers, it does happen that Chinese men and foreign women get together.It happened for me — and a growing number of other women, including bloggers such as the Local Dialect, The Downtown Diner, and Wo Ai Ni.Generally, the pressure to split up comes from the family since, after all, in China, marriage is a family affair.There was one Chinese boyfriend who told me, flat out, that his parents would never accept me.